Screw this. I'm so tired. I can't do it. Starting tomorrow we're switching to formula and dad can stay up and feed you. This is what I tell myself every night around 3 AM. Luckily, Annie told me to never make major decisions between 8 PM and 8 AM. I am so overwhelmed, exhausted, hopeless, helpless, angry and disappointed at night. It is so freaking hard to breastfeed with an oversupply. She latches on and off so much, my boobs hurt so bad and she can't tell when she's finished. She falls asleep, wakes up, gets pissed off because she thinks she's not done. I promise you, little girl, after an hour of this, I'm pretty sure you're done! No luck. She doesn't listen, yet. :-)
Today, I gave my boobs a rest. I pumped all day and just did bottle. I know I'm not the first to go through a "labor of love" for their little one so I'm trying to stay positive and keep going. I have the means to do it. It just sucks right now. It will get better in a few weeks. Say a prayer that my nights will get better. Preferably for the time between midnight and 3 AM. That is when I need the most help. Can you get that specific in a prayer? lol. I know God doesn't mind.
Oh sweetie!!! I remember feeling that way just bottle-feeding...much less breastfeeding! I just feel for you! You are doing an AWESOME thing by BFing...I wish so bad I could have done it...but let me tell you...I would have pumped and let Patrick lend a helping hand. I remember just DYING for sleep! That seems so long ago and he's only 6 months old!!! :) The first 3 months were a definite learning curve...and for us, when he turned 3 months old, life suddenly got way better.
ReplyDeleteI'm really proud of you! You've really worked hard, and it's paying off. And she's right; something just clicks around 3 months where it gets a LOT easier. But everyday will keep getting better until then. I'll bump up my prayers for you! Keep it up! You're doing awesome, and you and Emma both will benefit from all this hard work. Love and prayers!
ReplyDeleteI hear you girl! I had a LOT of issues breastfeeding with Liberty. My issue was not enough supply. It's going much better with Asher, in part because I took advantage of using some lactation consultants much more this time. Though it is still really frustrating at times. He comes on and off really bad sometimes too. Hang in there. Kathy or Lindsey at Baylor Dallas are both great LC's there. I took a class from Lindsey and Kathy was the most helpful LC in the hospital. I would not have made it this far without her help. She showed me how to get Asher to latch properly on and off with out the massive pain that I was having. The lack of sleep takes some getting used to for sure. If I can help in any way, please let me know. My biggest downfall with Liberty was that I waited too long to get help. Sending hugs, kisses, and prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteCourtney, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but like your other friends are saying, it really does get easier. I had TONS of problems with Evalyn, but eventually we both figured it out. Take advantage of any help you can get from consultants or anyone else. I emailed many of my BF moms to ask questions all the time. Sadly there's only 1 consultant for ALL of Bville... you're doing a great thing for Emma and for you. Don't forget that! Hugs and prayers sent your way!
ReplyDeleteMichelle