I've been thinking for several weeks about weaning Ethan. It's time for me and for him but it was definitely more bonding with him than with Emma. I think I was a little sad with Emma but it was for a purpose of getting ready to get pregnant again, so I felt resolute about it.
This time, we don't know what the future holds. We ask ourselves (literally) daily if we want to stay with two kids or go on to have a third. There are so many pros and cons to both arguments. It is the toughest decision ever. Up until a few months ago, it was just "in my heart" to have more. It felt natural. It felt right. Then, we thought of all the great things staying with two affords and we began to plan wonderful vacations and thought of how much easier it is to ask someone (my mom, mainly) to watch two kids instead of three. I didn't prepare myself, though. I didn't prepare for Ethan to be my *last* pregnancy, my *last* birth, my *last* breastfeeder. But do I have a third baby just for that selfish reason? Is it selfish?
Every day we ask each other "how do you feel today?" And we respond differently every day. Sometimes I say 2 and he says 3 or he says 2 and I say 3. Isn't that the answer? We can't agree whole heartedly agree on one day, so we should wait?
::sigh::
Total topic change. We've been hanging out with Samuel, Levi and Isaac quite a bit and I like to write down the funny things they say. Enjoy:
Playing with the hot wheels car garage thingy that Adam got for the kids:
Samuel in his funny shouting voice: This is the best. day. ever! This is better than going to Colorado!
(Always so randomly and matter of fact, from little Levi): If you fart in my mom's face, you owe her a dollar.
In the car:
Samuel: Our house is really old
Me: What do you mean?
Samuel: We've been there for like THIRTY days already!
(I didn't know that's what made it old. Thanks for the heads up, buddy!) :-)
Levi: Even if a dinosaur stomped on me and ate me, I'd still be in his stomach and that would be SO COOL!
We didn't know the boys were up yet when Adam and I were making breakfast. All of a sudden, we just hear this little voice and it was Levi talking through the white gate doors we have going from the playroom (where they were sleeping) to the kitchen. He just starts telling us about his dream. It was hilarious:
Levi: Um, I dreamed I was swimming and a giant turtle was with me and then he ATE me but I didn't die.
In the car:
Me: Samuel will you count with us?
Samuel: I don't want to count. It's SO BORing!
:-)
And then last night, they came over but Annie and I are making things easier with no baths and no toothbrushes (cuts down on the STUFF) and so this is what Levi said after being told there was no bath:
Levi: Are we even going to brush our teeth?!?
Me: No, mommy didn't pack toothbrushes or toothpaste
Levi: . . . But my mom says. . .
Me thinking in my head "crap, crap, crap what does mom say??"
Levi: on the verge of tears. . . But my mom says my teeth will turn yellow and fall out!
Me: . . . Well that's not going to happen tonight, I promise. . . Look, Dino Dan!
Levi: Aww yeah!
(The power of distraction is strong with this one)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
The Latest News
Sunday night was the most scary night for Adam and I. Let me preface this with Ethan is okay. We wanted to let all our family know the whole story and hopefully won't have to repeat the story too much. Read on. . .
Saturday night I came home from work, picked up Ethan and thought immediately, "ooh, he's hot." Took his temperature and it was 102. He had no other symptoms. Adam said he had a good day, so I didn't think too much on it. He had also cut a top tooth that day. Gave ibuprofen. Put him to bed and he went to sleep just fine, like always. He slept all night long. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Before going into work, I checked on Ethan. His temp was 101.8. Gave more ibuprofen. Fed him. Laid him back down with some toys.
Ethan had a good day Sunday. He was active, eating, sleeping, peeing, pooping. Everything was normal except for some continued fever. Because of all this, I thought it was just viral. Just a temperature. It will pass in a day or so. Adam started giving doses of tylenol along with the ibuprofen alternating at around 1 pm. At 3 pm, Ethan's temp was 98.5. Hooray it broke, we thought.
I got home a little after 7 and Ethan was awake and hanging out with my mom and Emma. I picked him up. He didn't feel hot. A good sign, I thought. Took his temp. 99.7. Gave a dose of tylenol just in case. Got him ready for bed, fed him and he went to sleep like always.
About five minutes later he cried out a little. I remember thinking, "gosh, that's weird. If he wakes up, it's usually around 2 AM, never right after I lay him down." Adam had just brought in some dinner so I decided to let Ethan cry a little. He wasn't screaming crying. It was just that little whimper cry. So, I scarfed down my sandwich and five minutes later, I went into his room to check on him. I went to touch him and immediately knew something was wrong. He was tremoring all over. I turned on the lights and he was white as a sheet with blue lips. I ran him out to the living room while yelling at Adam to call 911.
I laid Ethan on the couch and started stripping him down. I was not thinking fever since it was just 99.7 not thirty minutes ago. I was thinking in my head as I looked at his rigid abdomen and legs and tremoring arms and cyanotic lips, "what did I miss?? what did I miss??" Ethan was breathing but was definitely in distress. He never lost eye contact with me. That was always purposeful and his pupils were normal. His breathing sounded like exaggerated grunting. I kept thinking, because the body only compensates for so long, he's going to stop breathing. So I stayed right by him, ready to whisk him to the ground and start CPR.
EMS got there and put a non-rebreather on him and we did not linger. We immediately got into the ambulance. On our way to medical city, his temp was 104 with the tempanic thermometer. Ethan melted two ice packs with his body heat on the way. It took the whole ambulance ride to pink up and once we hit the doors of the ER, he was pink and resting well in my arms.
His rectal temp at the ER was 105.8. I don't know why it spiked like that. But they said that was common for a febrile seizure. They happen not necessarily with how high the temperature gets but how rapidly it rises.
So now we just had to figure out why the temps. Roseola? He had no other symptoms beside fever. He was an active little boy all day. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Initially, they though ear infection but it wasn't that. The initial urinalysis came back as UTI but I thought that didn't sound right. Little boys don't typically get those. So, I dismissed it.
His fever broke again in the ER and he was 100% on room air and we went home around 3 AM. Ethan got IM shots of Rocephin before leaving.
The next day, we followed up with our pediatrician's office. Urine culture came back positive for e.coli. So yes, a bladder infection, after all. Nothing respiratory, nothing ear related.
Our goal is to keep fevers down, ten days of antibiotics and renal sonogram after that. Like I said, little boys don't typically get bladder infections because their urethra's are longer than little girls'. So it could be 1) a total fluke or 2) an anatomical defect where Ethan's urine travels back up his system to his kidneys and he gets infections.
We will see what the renal sonogram says. It is scheduled for August 1st.
Some things we don't know the answer to: Why it happened? Will it happen again? Was it a true seizure or was he in this pre-ictal phase, fighting the seizure? Is this just the works of the bladder infection? Is it something more?
Blood cultures will be back in a few days, as well.
Thanks for all your love and prayers.
Ethan is active and playing today. Last temp 98.5
Adam just read this post and says it's very analytical but that's what his family will probably want to read. :-) It goes without saying that it was the most terrifying night of our lives.
Saturday night I came home from work, picked up Ethan and thought immediately, "ooh, he's hot." Took his temperature and it was 102. He had no other symptoms. Adam said he had a good day, so I didn't think too much on it. He had also cut a top tooth that day. Gave ibuprofen. Put him to bed and he went to sleep just fine, like always. He slept all night long. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Before going into work, I checked on Ethan. His temp was 101.8. Gave more ibuprofen. Fed him. Laid him back down with some toys.
Ethan had a good day Sunday. He was active, eating, sleeping, peeing, pooping. Everything was normal except for some continued fever. Because of all this, I thought it was just viral. Just a temperature. It will pass in a day or so. Adam started giving doses of tylenol along with the ibuprofen alternating at around 1 pm. At 3 pm, Ethan's temp was 98.5. Hooray it broke, we thought.
I got home a little after 7 and Ethan was awake and hanging out with my mom and Emma. I picked him up. He didn't feel hot. A good sign, I thought. Took his temp. 99.7. Gave a dose of tylenol just in case. Got him ready for bed, fed him and he went to sleep like always.
About five minutes later he cried out a little. I remember thinking, "gosh, that's weird. If he wakes up, it's usually around 2 AM, never right after I lay him down." Adam had just brought in some dinner so I decided to let Ethan cry a little. He wasn't screaming crying. It was just that little whimper cry. So, I scarfed down my sandwich and five minutes later, I went into his room to check on him. I went to touch him and immediately knew something was wrong. He was tremoring all over. I turned on the lights and he was white as a sheet with blue lips. I ran him out to the living room while yelling at Adam to call 911.
I laid Ethan on the couch and started stripping him down. I was not thinking fever since it was just 99.7 not thirty minutes ago. I was thinking in my head as I looked at his rigid abdomen and legs and tremoring arms and cyanotic lips, "what did I miss?? what did I miss??" Ethan was breathing but was definitely in distress. He never lost eye contact with me. That was always purposeful and his pupils were normal. His breathing sounded like exaggerated grunting. I kept thinking, because the body only compensates for so long, he's going to stop breathing. So I stayed right by him, ready to whisk him to the ground and start CPR.
EMS got there and put a non-rebreather on him and we did not linger. We immediately got into the ambulance. On our way to medical city, his temp was 104 with the tempanic thermometer. Ethan melted two ice packs with his body heat on the way. It took the whole ambulance ride to pink up and once we hit the doors of the ER, he was pink and resting well in my arms.
His rectal temp at the ER was 105.8. I don't know why it spiked like that. But they said that was common for a febrile seizure. They happen not necessarily with how high the temperature gets but how rapidly it rises.
So now we just had to figure out why the temps. Roseola? He had no other symptoms beside fever. He was an active little boy all day. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Initially, they though ear infection but it wasn't that. The initial urinalysis came back as UTI but I thought that didn't sound right. Little boys don't typically get those. So, I dismissed it.
His fever broke again in the ER and he was 100% on room air and we went home around 3 AM. Ethan got IM shots of Rocephin before leaving.
The next day, we followed up with our pediatrician's office. Urine culture came back positive for e.coli. So yes, a bladder infection, after all. Nothing respiratory, nothing ear related.
Our goal is to keep fevers down, ten days of antibiotics and renal sonogram after that. Like I said, little boys don't typically get bladder infections because their urethra's are longer than little girls'. So it could be 1) a total fluke or 2) an anatomical defect where Ethan's urine travels back up his system to his kidneys and he gets infections.
We will see what the renal sonogram says. It is scheduled for August 1st.
Some things we don't know the answer to: Why it happened? Will it happen again? Was it a true seizure or was he in this pre-ictal phase, fighting the seizure? Is this just the works of the bladder infection? Is it something more?
Blood cultures will be back in a few days, as well.
Thanks for all your love and prayers.
Ethan is active and playing today. Last temp 98.5
Adam just read this post and says it's very analytical but that's what his family will probably want to read. :-) It goes without saying that it was the most terrifying night of our lives.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Ohhhh, so I'm supposed to update this thing. . .
It's not that I'm that busy. . . but I am pretty busy, so it's hard to post.
It's been forever and I guess a lot has happened. Ethan is almost seven months old and has one tooth on the bottom. The one next to it is ready to sprout any time now. A friend bought some amber beads for him and I just need to meet up with her to get them. I think ibuprofen does work well for him but I hate giving so much of it. (It's not a daily thing by any means but still.)
Emma turned 2. She is just talking up a storm (with us at least). She knows all of her flash cards and she counts to twenty with assistance.
Ethan is finally enjoying his exercauser with exponentially improves my day and time and ability to get things done around the house. I call the period the "sweet spot." He's not mobile enough to be running around but he's old enough to enjoy the exercauser.
He's so different from Emma. He sleeps well and doesn't cry much. And he just smiles allll the time. It feels like it took forever to get to this point/age with Emma. Those first few months just drag so badly with her colic tendencies.
One thing I've learned that Adam thinks is pretty clever so I guess I'll post it. :-) I have no idea what possesses those people at the grocery store (like Green Mountain Energy or T-mobile) to stop you as your going out the door with two children but I've learned the best way to get by them. Their "getcha in there" question is "who's your electricity provider?" I reply, (no matter who it is), "you are!" I usually get a thumbs up and smile from said employee and I move my happy butt right along with no regrets. I've got (until a few months ago) two kids under two. Let me pass! Geez. lol.
We went to the zoo for the first time with Emma. I think she did enjoy it, however, it was balls hot outside, 100+ for that day. And we didn't know where we were going to get food so we did a lot of unnecessary walking. ::sigh:: We'll do better next time! Annie and "COUSINS" came. Emma's not calling the cousins by their names yet. She just calls any small children who are or remotely look like her cousins, "cousins!" It's very cute. She is so precious.
We also went on vacation to Rogers, Arkansas. I say it was Rogers. Our house was in a city that I still can't remember the name of. Northwest Arkansas doesn't have a whole lot to do but the house had a pool so by God, that's where we stayed most of the time. We went to Crystal Bridges twice which was fun. It's an area with lots of walking trails and a modern art museum and it's all free. It's sponsored by Wal Mart since their first store is close by. We also went horseback riding with Madison and Grace. A two hour horseback ride was very fun through the mountain side but pretty hard on my backside. I did not go biking on this trip after that. lol.
I'm getting back into yoga which I love. I'm so lucky that Joseph (my favorite yoga instructor) decided to open up his own studio right by me. Fun times. I definitely notice a difference in my arms. . . now just to work on this belly. . .
Adam and I are also at a crossroads with whether to have more children or not. Thing is we want to have more but don't know if it's financially, etc a good decision. We can devote more time to the two we have now and we can "start our lives" right now. Or we can "start over" and have more. I'm not old or anything but I don't want to have children well into my 30's. You're at more risk for things happening which I know is a concern of Adam's and mine too since I had blood pressure issues with Emma. My pregnancy with Ethan was easy. If they were all that way, I think I'd do it over and over and over. And also if I had the money to have all those kids. How do the families with 20 kids do it? I know clothes are easy to hand down but that is a LOT of people to feed.
I really do feel it in my heart to have more. I'm trying to listen to that. I think that's the answer. But it sure is nice to think about stopping now and all the positive things that come along with that. (Vacation planning, getting rid of all the baby stuff, not worrying about eventually needing a bigger house).
Okay, i think I've talked your ear off enough for now. Here's what you really wanted:
It's been forever and I guess a lot has happened. Ethan is almost seven months old and has one tooth on the bottom. The one next to it is ready to sprout any time now. A friend bought some amber beads for him and I just need to meet up with her to get them. I think ibuprofen does work well for him but I hate giving so much of it. (It's not a daily thing by any means but still.)
Emma turned 2. She is just talking up a storm (with us at least). She knows all of her flash cards and she counts to twenty with assistance.
Ethan is finally enjoying his exercauser with exponentially improves my day and time and ability to get things done around the house. I call the period the "sweet spot." He's not mobile enough to be running around but he's old enough to enjoy the exercauser.
He's so different from Emma. He sleeps well and doesn't cry much. And he just smiles allll the time. It feels like it took forever to get to this point/age with Emma. Those first few months just drag so badly with her colic tendencies.
One thing I've learned that Adam thinks is pretty clever so I guess I'll post it. :-) I have no idea what possesses those people at the grocery store (like Green Mountain Energy or T-mobile) to stop you as your going out the door with two children but I've learned the best way to get by them. Their "getcha in there" question is "who's your electricity provider?" I reply, (no matter who it is), "you are!" I usually get a thumbs up and smile from said employee and I move my happy butt right along with no regrets. I've got (until a few months ago) two kids under two. Let me pass! Geez. lol.
We went to the zoo for the first time with Emma. I think she did enjoy it, however, it was balls hot outside, 100+ for that day. And we didn't know where we were going to get food so we did a lot of unnecessary walking. ::sigh:: We'll do better next time! Annie and "COUSINS" came. Emma's not calling the cousins by their names yet. She just calls any small children who are or remotely look like her cousins, "cousins!" It's very cute. She is so precious.
We also went on vacation to Rogers, Arkansas. I say it was Rogers. Our house was in a city that I still can't remember the name of. Northwest Arkansas doesn't have a whole lot to do but the house had a pool so by God, that's where we stayed most of the time. We went to Crystal Bridges twice which was fun. It's an area with lots of walking trails and a modern art museum and it's all free. It's sponsored by Wal Mart since their first store is close by. We also went horseback riding with Madison and Grace. A two hour horseback ride was very fun through the mountain side but pretty hard on my backside. I did not go biking on this trip after that. lol.
I'm getting back into yoga which I love. I'm so lucky that Joseph (my favorite yoga instructor) decided to open up his own studio right by me. Fun times. I definitely notice a difference in my arms. . . now just to work on this belly. . .
Adam and I are also at a crossroads with whether to have more children or not. Thing is we want to have more but don't know if it's financially, etc a good decision. We can devote more time to the two we have now and we can "start our lives" right now. Or we can "start over" and have more. I'm not old or anything but I don't want to have children well into my 30's. You're at more risk for things happening which I know is a concern of Adam's and mine too since I had blood pressure issues with Emma. My pregnancy with Ethan was easy. If they were all that way, I think I'd do it over and over and over. And also if I had the money to have all those kids. How do the families with 20 kids do it? I know clothes are easy to hand down but that is a LOT of people to feed.
I really do feel it in my heart to have more. I'm trying to listen to that. I think that's the answer. But it sure is nice to think about stopping now and all the positive things that come along with that. (Vacation planning, getting rid of all the baby stuff, not worrying about eventually needing a bigger house).
Okay, i think I've talked your ear off enough for now. Here's what you really wanted:
Ethan in the exercauser
They're not related at all! :-)
Adam turned 30 this year!
The computer is running low on battery so I will post more a little later! Or maybe just to facebook. Bye!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Forgot to post about this
I forgot to post about the funny conversation I overheard at our dinner out for our anniversary. . . after my first drink but before my fork went flying. ;-)
The resaurant we love, Kenny's, has great atmosphere and tables are close together so I easily overheard this newly dating couple talking. They got on the topic of children and how they'll just never do certain things with their children. Ha! The icing on top was when they talked about Christmas and how this was a holiday to remember that it's for adults, too. And how they would have a separate adult time of opening presents and the kids must play elsewhere. Noobs. Christmas is totally about the kids once you start having them. Look at the Hedgpeths. None of us exchange gifts between adults 1. because none of us know what to get each other and 2. it really just doesn't matter at the end of the day because we care that our kids are having a good time.
So, anywho. Yes, my fork went flying. What can I say? I had some strong drinks. Coupled with clam chowder, though, it made for a not so fun evening starting around 3 AM. ::sigh:: Non-pregnant throwing up is the WORST. It's so much more violent and persistant. Pregnant throw up is just a one-time bleh and you're done. Easy. . . (Don't you just love how I've come full circle on this. I complained soooo much when pregnant with Emma. haha).
So, we have not eaten out for six weeks except for my birthday, our anniversary and Adam's day trip to Hamilton. I'm pretty proud of us. We've definitely seen a change in our bank account and I'm glad we're saving the money for more important things than a temporary good feeling of eating out. I'm not saying I don't ever think about it (taco bueno party burrito, sonic cherry limeade, chicken express mashed potatoes, mmmmmm), but when you stop to think about it, eating that greasy something just does not sound as appealing as it once did. It really doesn't. I'm over it for now. I like knowing I don't have nasty processed-ness in me.
Cheers!
The resaurant we love, Kenny's, has great atmosphere and tables are close together so I easily overheard this newly dating couple talking. They got on the topic of children and how they'll just never do certain things with their children. Ha! The icing on top was when they talked about Christmas and how this was a holiday to remember that it's for adults, too. And how they would have a separate adult time of opening presents and the kids must play elsewhere. Noobs. Christmas is totally about the kids once you start having them. Look at the Hedgpeths. None of us exchange gifts between adults 1. because none of us know what to get each other and 2. it really just doesn't matter at the end of the day because we care that our kids are having a good time.
So, anywho. Yes, my fork went flying. What can I say? I had some strong drinks. Coupled with clam chowder, though, it made for a not so fun evening starting around 3 AM. ::sigh:: Non-pregnant throwing up is the WORST. It's so much more violent and persistant. Pregnant throw up is just a one-time bleh and you're done. Easy. . . (Don't you just love how I've come full circle on this. I complained soooo much when pregnant with Emma. haha).
So, we have not eaten out for six weeks except for my birthday, our anniversary and Adam's day trip to Hamilton. I'm pretty proud of us. We've definitely seen a change in our bank account and I'm glad we're saving the money for more important things than a temporary good feeling of eating out. I'm not saying I don't ever think about it (taco bueno party burrito, sonic cherry limeade, chicken express mashed potatoes, mmmmmm), but when you stop to think about it, eating that greasy something just does not sound as appealing as it once did. It really doesn't. I'm over it for now. I like knowing I don't have nasty processed-ness in me.
Cheers!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Stupid fear and all it's stupid stupidness
We signed up for Little Gym this semester and it was just a huge mistake. We never go anymore because at Emma's age, I still have to be in there with her. I LOVED it when I was pregnant. She got interaction with other kids and learned cool skills. Now that I have Ethan, I can't really go because there's no one to watch him. And I tote him around everywhere because he's nursing. He could stay home and take a bottle but who's going to watch him? Paying for a babysitter just seems idiotic because you're paying more money into something that you shouldn't have paid for in the first place. ::sigh:: The unused classes to stack up and you can use them at any time. But we don't ever use them. There are Saturday morning classes, but again, I'm working and Adam would need someone to watch Ethan. And when I say morning, I mean morning. 8:30 AM. There is ONE afternoon class a week at 4:30 and Melanie is going to help out with it today. Last time she helped out it went really well at first and then Emma saw me through the window and cried until Melanie and I swapped places. Which brings me to my next point.
I've never "dropped off" Emma anywhere. If I have, then it's been with someone she knows like family or Erin B or Erin T. We've never done day care and I've never utilized one of those day out programs.
Someone kept telling me to try MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) which is held at a church in your community. I thought it was similar to Little Gym where parents and children play together but it's actually children in a separate room. I literally get anxious when I think about this and I have to explore why.
I think it stems from my literally growing up in day care from six weeks old to sixth grade. I was in daycare every day even when school started and through every summer. My parents both worked full time and while I believe that because my parents are pretty inroverted, day care was actually good for me because I made friends and was outgoing, I do harbor resentment that my mother didn't stay home. Not that she really had a choice. Although once I learned how much they made when I applied for college, I really feel they were probably dumping most of their paychecks into childcare. So what's the point?
Anyway. I get anxious thinking that Emma will someday harbor resentment against me for dropping her off and leaving her. That is a really hard sentence to write because it makes me cry 1. because of the fear I have and 2. because I know how stupid it is! I have to get her social interaction. It's so important. I also need to get her consistantly around other kids so she doesn't get sick every time she's around them sporadically.
If I joined MOPS though, I'd have Ethan who would still need me, food wise and be on crazy nap schedules.
I just need to let go of this fear and feel comfortable letting go of my kids for a few hours. Easier said than done. I need to just trust that it would work out.
Another hard thing is that Adam and I are not with a church. So I'd be walking into a group of women who are probably members of that church and all know each other and while I'm pretty talkative once you get to know me, I'm pretty shy in the beginning. I'd be taking Emma somewhere she's never been before, dropping her off with people she doesn't know and being anxious the whole time in my class wondering when they're going to come get me because my child won't stop crying.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Just bite the bullet, Courtney.
I've never "dropped off" Emma anywhere. If I have, then it's been with someone she knows like family or Erin B or Erin T. We've never done day care and I've never utilized one of those day out programs.
Someone kept telling me to try MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) which is held at a church in your community. I thought it was similar to Little Gym where parents and children play together but it's actually children in a separate room. I literally get anxious when I think about this and I have to explore why.
I think it stems from my literally growing up in day care from six weeks old to sixth grade. I was in daycare every day even when school started and through every summer. My parents both worked full time and while I believe that because my parents are pretty inroverted, day care was actually good for me because I made friends and was outgoing, I do harbor resentment that my mother didn't stay home. Not that she really had a choice. Although once I learned how much they made when I applied for college, I really feel they were probably dumping most of their paychecks into childcare. So what's the point?
Anyway. I get anxious thinking that Emma will someday harbor resentment against me for dropping her off and leaving her. That is a really hard sentence to write because it makes me cry 1. because of the fear I have and 2. because I know how stupid it is! I have to get her social interaction. It's so important. I also need to get her consistantly around other kids so she doesn't get sick every time she's around them sporadically.
If I joined MOPS though, I'd have Ethan who would still need me, food wise and be on crazy nap schedules.
I just need to let go of this fear and feel comfortable letting go of my kids for a few hours. Easier said than done. I need to just trust that it would work out.
Another hard thing is that Adam and I are not with a church. So I'd be walking into a group of women who are probably members of that church and all know each other and while I'm pretty talkative once you get to know me, I'm pretty shy in the beginning. I'd be taking Emma somewhere she's never been before, dropping her off with people she doesn't know and being anxious the whole time in my class wondering when they're going to come get me because my child won't stop crying.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Just bite the bullet, Courtney.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Mark it
Mark it. Adam and I's fourth anniversary is also the day Emma started saying "no" and using a toy to climb on to get something out of reach. lol! :-)
At least the "no" wasn't a yelling, screaming one. We were in the bathroom and she was pointing to the counter saying "dis, dis!" I would hand her a bottle and she'd say, "No. Dis." and keep pointing. So cute. :-) For now, haha!
From my last post, Michelle asked me to correct using the term misscarriage. A misscarriage is up to 20 weeks gestation and stillborn is the term used thereafter. She had said on one of her posts that it happens more often than you think and she's right. Two women I work with have had stillborn births. One at 26 weeks and one at 38 weeks. One went on to have two boys and the other went on to have two girls. Who knows why this happens. Still praying for you, girl.
We are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate our anniversary. My mom's coming over to watch the kids and hopefully Ethan doesn't stay up until 10:30 with her again. He is such a good sleeper and usually goes to bed between 8:00 and 8:30. So 10:30 was a shock. Crazy boy.
We went to the craniofacial surgeon yesterday because at Ethan's 8 week appointment, our pediatrician thought his skull looked wrong. It looked like a less extreme version of this:
http://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/factsheets.cfm?doc_id=7666
I didn't notice it with all of Ethan's hair but it was noticeable once he pointed it out. So, I called the specialist and we couldn't get in for three weeks. So I've been reshaping his head on my own, turning him different positions in the crib, more tummy time and more of him turning his head to the left instead of just the right. Went to the appointment and Ethan has a perfect skull. The doctor didn't even understand why we were there. :-) No helmet for Ethan and nothing serious. Sweetest boy.
At least the "no" wasn't a yelling, screaming one. We were in the bathroom and she was pointing to the counter saying "dis, dis!" I would hand her a bottle and she'd say, "No. Dis." and keep pointing. So cute. :-) For now, haha!
From my last post, Michelle asked me to correct using the term misscarriage. A misscarriage is up to 20 weeks gestation and stillborn is the term used thereafter. She had said on one of her posts that it happens more often than you think and she's right. Two women I work with have had stillborn births. One at 26 weeks and one at 38 weeks. One went on to have two boys and the other went on to have two girls. Who knows why this happens. Still praying for you, girl.
We are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate our anniversary. My mom's coming over to watch the kids and hopefully Ethan doesn't stay up until 10:30 with her again. He is such a good sleeper and usually goes to bed between 8:00 and 8:30. So 10:30 was a shock. Crazy boy.
We went to the craniofacial surgeon yesterday because at Ethan's 8 week appointment, our pediatrician thought his skull looked wrong. It looked like a less extreme version of this:
http://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/factsheets.cfm?doc_id=7666
I didn't notice it with all of Ethan's hair but it was noticeable once he pointed it out. So, I called the specialist and we couldn't get in for three weeks. So I've been reshaping his head on my own, turning him different positions in the crib, more tummy time and more of him turning his head to the left instead of just the right. Went to the appointment and Ethan has a perfect skull. The doctor didn't even understand why we were there. :-) No helmet for Ethan and nothing serious. Sweetest boy.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Charlotte Joy
Erin's cousin Michelle had a stillbirth at 31 weeks of pregnancy. I have met her many times and it is absolutely devastating. Last night she delivered Charlotte Joy around 9 PM. She was 3 pounds, 11 ounces and 19 inches long.
Michelle and her husband, seeing them go through this, lets me know the power of God and His healing. They are so strong and have given this all to Him. They are stronger than I would ever be. I know it's selfish but I can't help thinking what I would do in this situation. Not that I'm worrying about it happening to me but just what it would be like. At first my immediate reaction would be, "dear lord, c-section." But, when you stop to think more, I would want that baby to know they were mine even for a little while. And hold them. And love them. And just know that they are precious to me. There's no pamphlet on this. There is no right way. There are no answers.
I only take comfort thinking about Charlotte in Heaven with Jesus, smiling. Because I know she is. And I hope I can meet her someday.
This is all just weighing heavily on my mind today and as I sit here crying and typing, it feels therapeutic and I hope she doesn't mind me writing about her but I know my family cares even though they don't know her and will pray for her and her family.
Michelle and her husband, seeing them go through this, lets me know the power of God and His healing. They are so strong and have given this all to Him. They are stronger than I would ever be. I know it's selfish but I can't help thinking what I would do in this situation. Not that I'm worrying about it happening to me but just what it would be like. At first my immediate reaction would be, "dear lord, c-section." But, when you stop to think more, I would want that baby to know they were mine even for a little while. And hold them. And love them. And just know that they are precious to me. There's no pamphlet on this. There is no right way. There are no answers.
I only take comfort thinking about Charlotte in Heaven with Jesus, smiling. Because I know she is. And I hope I can meet her someday.
This is all just weighing heavily on my mind today and as I sit here crying and typing, it feels therapeutic and I hope she doesn't mind me writing about her but I know my family cares even though they don't know her and will pray for her and her family.
Friday, February 3, 2012
I created a monster
Emma had not watched any tv until two weeks ago. I'm not anti-tv but she wasn't interested and was such a great independent player, I kept putting it off. When Adam went back to work and I was home alone with two kids, I kind of panicked and started recording Little Einsteins. She was a little slow to like it, but soon it was on 3-4 times a day and she would bring me the remote. ("Dis! Dis!") She would even pat her lap to let me know what she wanted. I was having a hard time remembering just how we got through the day without it so two days we quit Little Einsteins cold turkey. There were tears but I don't want my child throwing a tantrum multiple times a day because the show isn't on. So we've gone back to how we were before and it's totally fine. Emma plays in the play room while I hold or feed Ethan.
Now. She is friggin' adorable when she watches it. Her face lights up and she gets so excited about "Seatbelts buckled!" and "Blastoff!" So I think we will watch it some but not get so carried away again. I should keep her as free from that addiction for as long as I can. . . because I'm sure it won't be long! Oh and plus, I'm pretty sure we will have a Little Einsteins theme birthday party come May. . . . Can I just add that Annie (on the cartoon) cannot sing. Quincy can play any instrument, June can dance well and Leo can conduct and leads the gang. Why did they have to give no talent to the most important character? We have to listen to her off pitch singing the whole time. Geez. I don't get it.
The weather has been so nice lately. Emma brings me my shoes and it's not to say, "Dear mother, your feet are cold, have some shoes." It's a not so subtle hint to say, "Get off your ass, woman! Take me outside!" She loves being outside and luckily there is a park nearby that no one goes to so we're the only ones there. I think people don't go because it has no swings but it has everything else. Emma's old enough now that she can stay on one side of the teeter totter while I'm on the other. That is very fun. Emma does love to swing but it's not like she notices it's not there.
I really would like to buy a nice swing set for the backyard. We can't get anything too big because 1) it won't fit and 2) they only install if it is six feet away from the fence and house. Well that puts it in the middle of the yard with very little wiggle room.
We've definitely been looking heavily at our finances lately and just sick at the money we spend. We have only been buying from the grocery store for a few weeks now. Our one exception is buying ice cream from Braums. (Droooool) We've also cut back on just buying in general and really thinking about whether we need it now or at all. It's been so liberating! It's awesome to think about the money you're NOT spending and how that just saves it up for other really important things (Like a swingset!). Sounds like Dave Ramsey? It is a little but we're not really doing his method. No money in envelopes or doing things in his order. We're just trying to be more aware. And it's exciting that we're both on board. I'm sorry to say I think I teased Annie and Michael for selling their stuff per the Dave Ramsey method but HOT DAMN it is fun to sell things! It de-clutters the house AND you get money. Bam. Born-again-moneymaker.
Now. She is friggin' adorable when she watches it. Her face lights up and she gets so excited about "Seatbelts buckled!" and "Blastoff!" So I think we will watch it some but not get so carried away again. I should keep her as free from that addiction for as long as I can. . . because I'm sure it won't be long! Oh and plus, I'm pretty sure we will have a Little Einsteins theme birthday party come May. . . . Can I just add that Annie (on the cartoon) cannot sing. Quincy can play any instrument, June can dance well and Leo can conduct and leads the gang. Why did they have to give no talent to the most important character? We have to listen to her off pitch singing the whole time. Geez. I don't get it.
The weather has been so nice lately. Emma brings me my shoes and it's not to say, "Dear mother, your feet are cold, have some shoes." It's a not so subtle hint to say, "Get off your ass, woman! Take me outside!" She loves being outside and luckily there is a park nearby that no one goes to so we're the only ones there. I think people don't go because it has no swings but it has everything else. Emma's old enough now that she can stay on one side of the teeter totter while I'm on the other. That is very fun. Emma does love to swing but it's not like she notices it's not there.
I really would like to buy a nice swing set for the backyard. We can't get anything too big because 1) it won't fit and 2) they only install if it is six feet away from the fence and house. Well that puts it in the middle of the yard with very little wiggle room.
We've definitely been looking heavily at our finances lately and just sick at the money we spend. We have only been buying from the grocery store for a few weeks now. Our one exception is buying ice cream from Braums. (Droooool) We've also cut back on just buying in general and really thinking about whether we need it now or at all. It's been so liberating! It's awesome to think about the money you're NOT spending and how that just saves it up for other really important things (Like a swingset!). Sounds like Dave Ramsey? It is a little but we're not really doing his method. No money in envelopes or doing things in his order. We're just trying to be more aware. And it's exciting that we're both on board. I'm sorry to say I think I teased Annie and Michael for selling their stuff per the Dave Ramsey method but HOT DAMN it is fun to sell things! It de-clutters the house AND you get money. Bam. Born-again-moneymaker.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Wanna Juana, Dontcha Wanna Juana, Dontcha Wanna
(Title to the tune of "Want a fanta, don't you want to want a fanta" commercial)
Juana is a housekeeper that cleans our house twice a month. Sometimes I wish it was more often. We've had her come for a year now. She is so great with Emma and Emma loves her and goes to her while she's cleaning. Hans loves her, too. After Ethan was born, Juana asked me if Emma was yellowse of the baby. Yellowse. . . Yellowse. . Oh, sorry Juana, let me put my Ricky Ricardo hat on. . . Jealous. Jealous is the word ;-) Did you watch a lot of I Love Lucy when you were younger? There was actually an episode where Ricky and another Cuban friend of his were discussing the word, "jealous." Too funny.
To explain my status last night of "another one bites the dust:" Another mom who was adamant before having children that she'd never leave her career, has. I don't mean to be spiteful or rub it in their face but I toldyaso. There, I said it. It's easy, pre-baby, to know that your career (and husband, etc) are your whole life. Everyone choses differently, but usually when that baby pops out, you take on a whole new attitude. Most everyone has the choice to work or stay home but a lot do not. They must work. I don't think there's one way better than the other. Just don't sit there and say your career is most important. It's not. Someone that I am not friends with on facebook but went to high school with said this as her status the other day: "Some stay at home mom's irritate me sometimes. The rest of the world does the same shit but in only four hours after work. Go get a job."
I'm going to let that sink in. . . . WOW. This person happens to be pregnant with her first child. That's right. She has no children currently, so why would she make such a ridiculous statement? It's laughable after you get over being pissed off about it. She has no idea. I kind of can't wait for that baby to pop out. Maybe she won't change her tune. If in that case, then she's a pretty cold woman.
It's all a choice. If you decide to send your baby to daycare because you want to go to work, then that's fine. Just don't put down another mom for making the choice to stay home and think she's some how less of a woman because of it. Quite the contrary. She is one of the strongest women you know.
Juana is a housekeeper that cleans our house twice a month. Sometimes I wish it was more often. We've had her come for a year now. She is so great with Emma and Emma loves her and goes to her while she's cleaning. Hans loves her, too. After Ethan was born, Juana asked me if Emma was yellowse of the baby. Yellowse. . . Yellowse. . Oh, sorry Juana, let me put my Ricky Ricardo hat on. . . Jealous. Jealous is the word ;-) Did you watch a lot of I Love Lucy when you were younger? There was actually an episode where Ricky and another Cuban friend of his were discussing the word, "jealous." Too funny.
To explain my status last night of "another one bites the dust:" Another mom who was adamant before having children that she'd never leave her career, has. I don't mean to be spiteful or rub it in their face but I toldyaso. There, I said it. It's easy, pre-baby, to know that your career (and husband, etc) are your whole life. Everyone choses differently, but usually when that baby pops out, you take on a whole new attitude. Most everyone has the choice to work or stay home but a lot do not. They must work. I don't think there's one way better than the other. Just don't sit there and say your career is most important. It's not. Someone that I am not friends with on facebook but went to high school with said this as her status the other day: "Some stay at home mom's irritate me sometimes. The rest of the world does the same shit but in only four hours after work. Go get a job."
I'm going to let that sink in. . . . WOW. This person happens to be pregnant with her first child. That's right. She has no children currently, so why would she make such a ridiculous statement? It's laughable after you get over being pissed off about it. She has no idea. I kind of can't wait for that baby to pop out. Maybe she won't change her tune. If in that case, then she's a pretty cold woman.
It's all a choice. If you decide to send your baby to daycare because you want to go to work, then that's fine. Just don't put down another mom for making the choice to stay home and think she's some how less of a woman because of it. Quite the contrary. She is one of the strongest women you know.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
All things sacred
Adam and I have this unspoken rule that shower time is sacred. Not once has he brought a child into my shower time saying, "Um, he/she's crying," "I think he/she's hungry." It's thirty minutes of quiet. In turn, I do my best to give Adam his time during showers. Sometimes I disturb him because Emma wants to say hi or I want to talk to him. I don't know if he's noticed. Like I said, it's unspoken.
Speaking of the "I think he's hungry" line. Nothing, NOTHING irks me more than my baby crying in public and some random person has to say, "Ohhh, somebody's hungry!" They do it in the most annoying voice and they say it as if they've figured it allll out. I just want to scream "I fed him ten minutes ago! Sometimes babies just cry! GOD!"
:-)
Now no one get offended. I don't mean family. I mean random strangers, mainly the cashiers at Tom Thumb. lol
Did you want to hear about Ethan? Oh good. He's doing great. His long sleep stretch at night is five and a half hours. Friendly to my sanity. Not so friendly to my upper chest area, but I'm fine with it. My body will adjust. . . . He is very strong. He's already got great head control and he's starting to stare more and make eye contact and I swear he gave me one smile last week, not gas related. (Late entry: Ethan was 11 lbs 3 oz last week at the doc. That's more than an ounce per day average. He's huge! Already in 3 month clothes.)
We've been dealing with illnesses the last week and a half. Emma has had a stuffy nose, cough, some diarrhea and now has a yeast rash on her bum. It's been a week of really bad diaper rash and now it's definitely yeast. I know. I'm a nurse. So I'm thinking about taking her in again. I took both kids in last week to the Pedi because Ethan had a cough and he's way too young. For goodness sake, Emma didn't get sick/sick until sixteen months old. Having a sick five week old is a nightmare. There's nothing you can do. He had a horrible cough and it sounded barky so I took him in. RSV negative. Just a virus. Waiting for it pass. He has a little congestion but thank God it has not affected his eating or his sleep. I'm pretty paranoid now. I'm very protective of him.
We're thinking of buying our dining table, etc from here http://www.cottagehomemaine.com/index.html
Gorgeous furniture, repurposed wood, made here in America by tradesman. What's not to love? Pretty excited about it.
We are trading out our mattress. We purchased from Sleep Experts and they have the "one year, love your mattress" guarantee and so far, it's been true to it's word. We bought a comforpedic mattress that is really comfortable but it has already started to dip. We traded in for Simmons Beauty Rest, Black. It'll be delivered on Wednesday. Woo! . . . I'm pretty sure we got the "judgemental eye" today by the other patrons in the store. If Ethan wasn't crying, Emma was and vice versa. Then, Ethan had a full, wet diaper. They didn't have a restroom so I whipped out the blanket and changed him on top of it. Then, Emma had a full diaper. Then, Ethan was hungry. Emma reminded us of a mail clerk as she pushed our stroller around the store. It was adorable. I totally let Emma jump all over the mattresses, too. Hell, it kept her entertained while Adam and I went from mattress to mattress laying down and testing them out.
Two phrases I uttered today: "Don't stick that q-tip up your nose" and "Emma, this isn't Little Gym. It's Sleep Experts."
:-)
Hope you all have a wonderful week.
Speaking of the "I think he's hungry" line. Nothing, NOTHING irks me more than my baby crying in public and some random person has to say, "Ohhh, somebody's hungry!" They do it in the most annoying voice and they say it as if they've figured it allll out. I just want to scream "I fed him ten minutes ago! Sometimes babies just cry! GOD!"
:-)
Now no one get offended. I don't mean family. I mean random strangers, mainly the cashiers at Tom Thumb. lol
Did you want to hear about Ethan? Oh good. He's doing great. His long sleep stretch at night is five and a half hours. Friendly to my sanity. Not so friendly to my upper chest area, but I'm fine with it. My body will adjust. . . . He is very strong. He's already got great head control and he's starting to stare more and make eye contact and I swear he gave me one smile last week, not gas related. (Late entry: Ethan was 11 lbs 3 oz last week at the doc. That's more than an ounce per day average. He's huge! Already in 3 month clothes.)
We've been dealing with illnesses the last week and a half. Emma has had a stuffy nose, cough, some diarrhea and now has a yeast rash on her bum. It's been a week of really bad diaper rash and now it's definitely yeast. I know. I'm a nurse. So I'm thinking about taking her in again. I took both kids in last week to the Pedi because Ethan had a cough and he's way too young. For goodness sake, Emma didn't get sick/sick until sixteen months old. Having a sick five week old is a nightmare. There's nothing you can do. He had a horrible cough and it sounded barky so I took him in. RSV negative. Just a virus. Waiting for it pass. He has a little congestion but thank God it has not affected his eating or his sleep. I'm pretty paranoid now. I'm very protective of him.
We're thinking of buying our dining table, etc from here http://www.cottagehomemaine.com/index.html
Gorgeous furniture, repurposed wood, made here in America by tradesman. What's not to love? Pretty excited about it.
We are trading out our mattress. We purchased from Sleep Experts and they have the "one year, love your mattress" guarantee and so far, it's been true to it's word. We bought a comforpedic mattress that is really comfortable but it has already started to dip. We traded in for Simmons Beauty Rest, Black. It'll be delivered on Wednesday. Woo! . . . I'm pretty sure we got the "judgemental eye" today by the other patrons in the store. If Ethan wasn't crying, Emma was and vice versa. Then, Ethan had a full, wet diaper. They didn't have a restroom so I whipped out the blanket and changed him on top of it. Then, Emma had a full diaper. Then, Ethan was hungry. Emma reminded us of a mail clerk as she pushed our stroller around the store. It was adorable. I totally let Emma jump all over the mattresses, too. Hell, it kept her entertained while Adam and I went from mattress to mattress laying down and testing them out.
Two phrases I uttered today: "Don't stick that q-tip up your nose" and "Emma, this isn't Little Gym. It's Sleep Experts."
:-)
Hope you all have a wonderful week.
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