We signed up for Little Gym this semester and it was just a huge mistake. We never go anymore because at Emma's age, I still have to be in there with her. I LOVED it when I was pregnant. She got interaction with other kids and learned cool skills. Now that I have Ethan, I can't really go because there's no one to watch him. And I tote him around everywhere because he's nursing. He could stay home and take a bottle but who's going to watch him? Paying for a babysitter just seems idiotic because you're paying more money into something that you shouldn't have paid for in the first place. ::sigh:: The unused classes to stack up and you can use them at any time. But we don't ever use them. There are Saturday morning classes, but again, I'm working and Adam would need someone to watch Ethan. And when I say morning, I mean morning. 8:30 AM. There is ONE afternoon class a week at 4:30 and Melanie is going to help out with it today. Last time she helped out it went really well at first and then Emma saw me through the window and cried until Melanie and I swapped places. Which brings me to my next point.
I've never "dropped off" Emma anywhere. If I have, then it's been with someone she knows like family or Erin B or Erin T. We've never done day care and I've never utilized one of those day out programs.
Someone kept telling me to try MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) which is held at a church in your community. I thought it was similar to Little Gym where parents and children play together but it's actually children in a separate room. I literally get anxious when I think about this and I have to explore why.
I think it stems from my literally growing up in day care from six weeks old to sixth grade. I was in daycare every day even when school started and through every summer. My parents both worked full time and while I believe that because my parents are pretty inroverted, day care was actually good for me because I made friends and was outgoing, I do harbor resentment that my mother didn't stay home. Not that she really had a choice. Although once I learned how much they made when I applied for college, I really feel they were probably dumping most of their paychecks into childcare. So what's the point?
Anyway. I get anxious thinking that Emma will someday harbor resentment against me for dropping her off and leaving her. That is a really hard sentence to write because it makes me cry 1. because of the fear I have and 2. because I know how stupid it is! I have to get her social interaction. It's so important. I also need to get her consistantly around other kids so she doesn't get sick every time she's around them sporadically.
If I joined MOPS though, I'd have Ethan who would still need me, food wise and be on crazy nap schedules.
I just need to let go of this fear and feel comfortable letting go of my kids for a few hours. Easier said than done. I need to just trust that it would work out.
Another hard thing is that Adam and I are not with a church. So I'd be walking into a group of women who are probably members of that church and all know each other and while I'm pretty talkative once you get to know me, I'm pretty shy in the beginning. I'd be taking Emma somewhere she's never been before, dropping her off with people she doesn't know and being anxious the whole time in my class wondering when they're going to come get me because my child won't stop crying.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Just bite the bullet, Courtney.
I can totally relate, poo. Clint has such a hard time with the church nursery and we haven't made it through one Sunday yet that he's stayed in there more than 20 minutes before we have to go get him because they can't console him. I haven't done more with MOPS than the play dates because I just don't know how Clint will handle it. One thing I'm trying though is having regular play dates with our neighbor, who is part of the MOPS group. My hope is that once her three year old, Brady, and Clint become better friends, he will be okay with being away from me if Brady is with him. He was okay at our last church if he could be with Little P, which only happened during big services like Christmas or Easter when they had all the age groups together. Sorry I don't have better advice. I'm kind of like you in that I like my baby (soon to be babies) to be with me all the time unless it's someone I completely trust.
ReplyDeleteAt least with MOPS, a crying kid should get some empathy from the other mothers instead of leers as in grocery stores. Or the ever enraging "someone's hungry" comment from a stranger in a baby voice at the grocery store when your kid is going ballistic. Eat shit stranger, eat shit.
ReplyDeleteAAH.
It's a long process but one thing you might try is to take Emma to the MOPS and then pick her up in 5 minutes. Do that for a few days then pick her up in 7 minutes and so on so that she knows and trusts you are going to come back for her. Get her involved with an activity before you leave her and stand outside the door to see when she starts to cry. I did that with the church nursery, but I was there anyway, it might be too much to haul Ethan out for just 5 minutes of play time for Emma. That's my only suggestion. She is bonded to her Mama, there are worse problems to have, she's not even two yet. You are doing a great job to be so concerned about our little Emma. Love you, Ann
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having a hard time :-( Would slinging Ethan at Little Gym help? That was the only way I was able to get out when they were little. It put them to sleep instantly, so that was nice not having to feed them I was out. And yes, you'll be happy when you bite the bullet, but don't sweat it. You're doing a great job. ;-)
ReplyDeleteMOPS mommas understand that some kids take longer to adjust to being in a "classroom" type setting. The other thing is don't sell Emma short, she might find someone she totally attaches to and is comfortable with, whether it's another child or one of the caregivers. Just take it a meeting at a time and see how she AND you do. MOPS exists to help moms, not to force you into a situation you aren't comfortable with. Also MOPS are held anywhere a charter is started, it just so happens most charters run through a church because they have the setup for childcare. And most groups are mixed of moms who attend that church, another church, or don't have a church that they attend regularly. I think our group represents 6+ churches, and we only have about 32 ladies overall, avg attendance of 25-28 each meeting. Starting now will help both of you adjust to separation for just a couple hours 2x a month. You do what works for both of you, you're both strong and will make it past this new phase. Email me if you have any other questions, I'm more than willing to chat with you about MOPS.
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