Charlotte Joy

Erin's cousin Michelle had a stillbirth at 31 weeks of pregnancy. I have met her many times and it is absolutely devastating. Last night she delivered Charlotte Joy around 9 PM. She was 3 pounds, 11 ounces and 19 inches long.

Michelle and her husband, seeing them go through this, lets me know the power of God and His healing. They are so strong and have given this all to Him. They are stronger than I would ever be. I know it's selfish but I can't help thinking what I would do in this situation. Not that I'm worrying about it happening to me but just what it would be like. At first my immediate reaction would be, "dear lord, c-section." But, when you stop to think more, I would want that baby to know they were mine even for a little while. And hold them. And love them. And just know that they are precious to me. There's no pamphlet on this. There is no right way. There are no answers.

I only take comfort thinking about Charlotte in Heaven with Jesus, smiling. Because I know she is. And I hope I can meet her someday.

This is all just weighing heavily on my mind today and as I sit here crying and typing, it feels therapeutic and I hope she doesn't mind me writing about her but I know my family cares even though they don't know her and will pray for her and her family.