Ironic or Just Life?

Funny that my triggers for anxiety and depression are guilt and a subsequent feeling of loss of control. By funny, I mean ironic. . . and by ironic, I'm realizing it may just be life as it unfolds? What mom doesn't feel guilty and out of control of their own lives? This high blood pressure thing has been really hard on me because I know I can't control it and there's not too much I can do to help it. I've been watching the salt intake and laying in bed a lot but it doesn't seem to help. Good thing is, Emma doesn't seem to mind at all. She's just chillin' and kickin' and keeping up a good heart rate. For me, it kills me. I get bored, I feel guilty and then pessimistic about how it's not going as planned. Here's something you may or may not know: I like to be in control. And I like to be right. And I'm a know-it-all with work. Okay, so throw that in too. I'm a nurse and it kills me that I don't know what's going on with my body or that I don't know the answer. I'm not L&D. I'm hearts. So going from knowing a lot about my profession to very little is annoying. And I also get nervous about returning to work and how slow I'm going to be because I will have lost my routine and organization skill. Ugggh. I know this is all jumbled. I'm more writing for me right now. It's just hard. I want it to be easier. I know it doesn't get easier but yeah. . .